A New Beginning

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After graduating from high school I was lost, did not know what I should do. I kept thinking “what do I do now”. I thought of being a doctor but realized that my marks were not good enough to get into university, therefore upgrading is the next option. I applied to get in and got in to upgrade my marks. This was a wonderful time for me. I met a lot of nice people during my time in college. I had one year to do all the courses that I needed to do to get into university.

This brought me back to the “what you going to do with it now?” question that my father said to me when I graduated from high school. I needed to do something with my life, I couldn’t let him win at putting me down. So I proceeded to go to school and get better marks which did not work out the best for me. I had a lot of distractions while going to school, my boyfriend and I broke up again, I started drinking a lot, I did not have a home that I could go to and feel safe. I would live with a friend for awhile then we would move again, then I stayed with my cousin again. I thought this time it would be different but I was wrong.

I moved in cause I did not have anywhere else to move. I ran out of options. I knew that I needed to have a steady place to go and study so I could do better but my cousins insecurities overwhelmed her, as she thought that I was after her husband. This was not true at all. I just wanted to fit in and do well in school. Then the day came when she said that it was time for me to go once again when I was in a very bad spot. My aunt and uncle, who I adored emensly, were in for a visit when it all went down. I just said to my uncle “why does this keep happening to me? what did I do to deserve this?” all he could come up with “Tyra, this is a learning experience, life is one big learning experience and what you take from it is up to you.” All I could ask was “what am I supposed to learn? that I can not trust someone?” with tears running down my face. All he could say “you may never know what the lesson is, but there is a reason for everything I can assure you that.” We sat there drinking our coffee in the coffee shop and were just quiet contemplating life.

I did find a apartment in the basement, everyone knows how much I like basements. It was small and cold. it seemed like I just could not keep warm enough in that basement suit. There was only a shower and at times I craved to have a bath. It worked out well as I had a room mate that lived with me and we had a lot of fun. She was going to school to become a hairdresser. It worked out well as I loved to have my hair washed and played with which gave her a lot of practice. The only thing I did not let her do was cut my hair.

We did a lot of partying together, I knew this was taking me down a winding road of destruction. I was drinking to have fun and that is a bad idea. This way you equate having fun with drinking, I did not like drinking to the point of getting sick but it seemed I just could not help myself. This one time I was so drunk I could not walk, and they had to kick me out of the bar. Who does Tyra call but the the person she could trust, her ex-boyfriend. He was so understanding, he took me home and listened to me cry. I still do not know what I was crying about but it must have been bad cause I could not stop. That feeling that you are going to vomit was hitting me and I stayed by the toilet as I got sick several times during the time he was visiting me. He proved to me again that I could trust him, he didn’t try to take advantage of me during that time, he just listened and held me. What could I ask for?

During this time in this apartment my old boyfriend was becoming part of my life again. We would go out on dates again, going for long walks, and just talking. This was going well, and we decided to get back together and got a place together. Things were stable again, where I just focused on our relationship and life was good.

This one day he did not come home and I was wondering where he was. He just said that he was at a friends house. Then it came out that he had been spending time with another woman. That he did not love me that way anymore. The rejection was just heart breaking and I lost it. I was screaming and throwing things at him, telling him to get out. I was in such shock and pain I lost all my control. His face was that of shock, and did not expect me to lose my cool. It was the one time that I actually did not hide in my shell and just say that it was ok. I ended up just being by myself trying to figure out how I was going to survive financially and to find a full time job so I could pay my rent and live comfortably. Then the opportunity came up to go live with Dick and Val for awhile so I could get things together.

Living at Dick and Vals was good, I went back to school. It was weird going back to a school years after being there. I remember the students when they were younger and now I am in class with them. I remember this one school trip to Edmonton and I had arranged to meet up with my ex-boyfriend to talk after the educational trip. The conversation went well, he apoligized for being mean and going out with another woman. Deep down I still loved him, I wanted my life back. I knew things would not be the same as they were but I was hoping for them to be much better than they were. I spent the rest of the semester living at Dick and Vals. My boyfriend would come and visit me, we would get a hotel to spend quality time together and just be us with no one else around. We decided that I would move back to Edmonton with him when he finally found a place for us to live.

Moving back was sweet, I got my life back and we were stronger than ever. Being high school sweet hearts you really do go through some growing pains and the previous situation was one of them. We had a one bedroom apartment with no furniture. Here we were sleeping on the floor once again. After awhile we collected furniture from people around that were giving it away, it wasn’t the best furniture but we made due.

This one day I was sleeping on the bed, and he was playing a game on the computer. I woke because there was a thud on the floor. Here he was twitching and turning blue, he was having a grand mal seizure. I did the best I could helping him but I was so scared that he was hurt. In the frenzy of it I called his mom to find out what I should do, and all she said was to watch over him and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. This was not difficult until he decided to get up and run to the kitchen, he stumbled over the chair and ended up on the floor. I had to literally sit on him to make sure that he would not get up and try it again. All he could say was that he loved me, I was so happy to hear that. It took about 1/2 hour for the effects of the seizure to go away and he went to have a rest. This was the first and the last time that I ever saw him have a seizure, I was thankful for that.

Looking for a job was difficult during this time. I knew I needed to get a job and help out with the bills and living expenses. I finally found a part-time job at Woolco, working in the smoke shop. This really lifted me up that I could help out financially and that I was not just taking my boyfriend for granted. I do believe down deep that he was happy also, the only problem was that I was not at home able to do the things when he was home. We got used to the idea of me working fast, and it all became a routine for us. Then came the time that I found a full time job at another mall, this was wonderful had a good boss and enjoyed the job. After a year the store was bought by Walmart and the smoke shop was closed so I was layed off and had to think what was I going to do with the rest of my life. I looked into going back to school, but realized that I need better marks in English and math. Here I was going back to school to get ready for college. I told my boyfriend I did not want to start school until I was 24 years old but it ended up being that I went back to school when I was 23. During the winter before my 23rd birthday he made me apply to nursing school and just said that I was too smart to not do anything with my life. What a life changing statement that would be for me. The Nursing adventure begins.

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