As stated by my sister Tammy the hurt of our mom calling her a LIAR was very painful. It was painful for me also cause I knew what happened and could not do anything to help Tammy. Since the community that we were living in found out about the sexual abuse that Harvey had committed, we had to move yet again. This time I was excited as there was a big yard to play in, and I slept in my own room.
It did not matter that I had my own room, Trevor would always come in my room and want to sleep with me, so I would let him. He was so precious to me at that age and would do anything to make him happy. I would also give him my favorite teddy bear to sleep with. That large pink teddy bear went with me everywhere. I even took it with me to the play ground with me, it was my security blanket.
Life in stony plain is a blur for me except my bike. I pulled that bike out of the dump and fixed it so it was functional. I remember having to fix the tangled chain on it and to put it on the spokes. It was a difficult task for a young girl to take on, but I did it. Yes this bike did not have a seat but I did not care I was proud of my bike, even rode it to school. Who in their right mind would ride a bike to school that looked so awful, I did. Then one day I left the bike behind Harvey’s van and he drove over it, I could not be more upset. Guess you are wondering if that was the end of my bike, nope. I fixed it all over again. I was fixing it with tears rolling down my cheek. I couldn’t just let it be, I would not quit till it was fixed and I could ride it once again. There was no remorse for running it over from Harvey or my mom, it was my fault for leaving it behind the van. It was my first learning lesson that, not everything I think is important is important to anyone else. I remember my mom carried a picture of me with that bike in her wallet for years, I guess it did mean something to her also even though she did not show it.
Living in Stony Plain was painful for Tammy, mom would abuse her all the time. She would make her clean the house and spend time alone more and more. I did not understand what was happening as Tammy was not a problem child. Tammy would work hard at school to make our mom happy but there just seemed nothing Tammy could do to make mom leave her alone. I remember Tammy having to clean the bathroom. There was a rust stain on the tub from the water dripping, mom made her scrub that stain to get it off. I had to go to the bathroom and Tammy was crying cause the stain would not come off and she could not come outside until it was all clean. I wanted to help her with it but mom saw I was trying to help her and mom brusquely yelled at me to get out of the bathroom and leave Tammy alone!. Having read what Tammy wrote before me the puzzle pieces are coming together.
Mom never really wanted to do much, we were her little slaves. That is what I thought it was back then anyway. Getting groceries was not a priority for our mother, she would send us to the grocery store in the dark, or in the cold. Of course I would be bundled up to go, to the store. I usually would go by myself. I remember when a car would come by I would jump in the ditch and hide in the snow as I did not want to get kidnapped. Looking back I think would not have been that bad, being kidnapped. Living through what I lived through, going to a family that kidnapped me might be alright.
Christmas came again and it was a very busy Christmas. Our uncle Nibs and auntie Irene came to see us. I remember the doll that they gave me. It was one that crawled on the floor, it was so cool, I loved it. This is when mom met a different man and his name was Ben. There must have been a fight as when I woke up in the morning the Christmas tree was laying on the floor. Then when mom got out of bed she said that we were moving to Vancouver and to just pack up some clothes a toy. She did say we would be coming back. My bear was too big to bring, so I decided to take the doll that I was given for Christmas. What a mistake. I left behind my security blanket, my pink teddy bear. I was so distraught leaving it behind. However, in this family, personal possessions were never honoured, including our own minds, bodies and soul.