During the time in the apartment in Edmonton and only being 51/2 or 6 there are very few happy moments that I remember. There was a time I remember when Tammy took us all outside and sat us on a blanket and tried playing the guitar. We did not care that she was not in tune it was just a fun time when we all were singing and watching her try and play for us. I treasure those times.
Our mom had a bad temper, and you knew you were in trouble with one look. Her big brown eyes would have fire in them if you did not listen or do what she had wanted you to do. I spent a lot of my time with my baby brother. This one day I was playing with Trevor in the bedroom and I put him on the bed and was rearranging the room. Moving the beds around so the looked different and Trevor was on one of them. Was he in danger NO he was having fun. The next thing I knew our mom came in the room and was very angry that I had moved the bed, I tried to explain that I wanted it to look different but the explanation was not good enough. All I remember after that is that she hit me so hard that I flew and hit the wall. The funny thing is I do not remember crying at all, I think I was in shock. Today looking back, how is this showing love to your child? A hour or so later I remember my mom coming back in the room and apologizing for the incident, of course I would accept the apology but down deep I was so hurt it did not matter what came out of her mouth I would not forgive her for that.
During the same time I remember being in a cop car and taken away from our mom yet again. I did not know about the first time as I was really young but this time I remember. The reason why were taken away was because our mother decided to go on a bender, drinking spree, and did not come home for 2 days. Us children were really young, Tammy 81/2, Me 6, Tanya 3, and Trevor was a toddler. I do not remember Tammy being with us at this time so our mom left me in charge of the two youngest. Thinking today “who does this?” Well I guess our mom thought it was quite alright. Someone found out and called social services and took us away.
We were placed in this receiving home that was large for children like us. I remember going outside and playing with the other children and that teachers would be supervising. This one teacher was tall and always wore this electric blue mascara. I remember this clear as day. I would always go to her during the outside time. At night time it was scary as there were several children that slept in the same area. This one night in the dark Tanya came and crawled into bed with me. I asked her what was wrong and she said “this little boy kept trying to get in bed with her”. So of course I let her sleep with me, I do believe this is when I started becoming the protector for the young. With Trevor just being a toddler he was in another part of the building, we had to ask for permission to go and see him. The workers would take us to him and we would watch him sleep. I don’t remember playing with him at this time just Tanya, no Tammy either. I could only imagine how abandoned I felt during this time. My foster mom stated to me that I told the social worker that I had a family that loved me and wanted me and to send me back there. This did not happen, no matter how hard I pleaded with them. I knew my foster family would take all of us and would love and care for us, and not put us in dangerous situations. Going back to our mom I do not recall, but I could guess it was bitter sweet.
There was always a short honeymoon period with our mother. She would be all nice and then out of no were, the real mom would return, and the cycle would start all over again.